


Jealousy Looks Good On You

by Prim_the_Amazing



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Bulges and Nooks, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Cameras, Cunnilingus, F/F, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Foursome - F/F/F/F, Jade and Jane are both in the same foursome but it's not incest if you don't touch boobs, Jealousy, Masturbation, Moirails With Pails, Oral Sex, Other characters and relationships mentioned, POV Second Person, POV Terezi Pyrope, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Polyamory, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Strap-Ons, Trans Jade Harley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-10 22:25:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7010836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prim_the_Amazing/pseuds/Prim_the_Amazing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Hey," you say. "I've got an idea for how to prank John." </p><p>"Oh?" she asks as she's rooting through her collection for the perfect combination of 'chick flicks', whatever those are, as if you'll be doing anything tonight except diabolically plotting. Or in this case... </p><p>"Let's pail. Without him. And we can film it or take pictures to let him know just what he's missing out on because he's such a huge dingus." </p><p>Roxy giggles, flushing. "Sorry Rezi, but the two of us have pailed in front of him before. I think he'd just enjoy it. Besides, that's not exactly a plan Janey and Jade can join in on, and we already invited them!" </p><p>You mull over her answer for all of one second before what should have been oh so obvious all along occurs to you. Your smile finally makes its way all the way back to your usual wide, shark fanged grin. </p><p>"Why can't they?" </p><p>Roxy stares at you like you're a genius. A sexy, sexy genius. </p><p>-</p><p>Terezi has sex with Roxy, Jade, and Jane and takes pictures of it to get back at John.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jealousy Looks Good On You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alcumia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alcumia/gifts).



> I'm getting sick of seeing so much johnrezi and johnroxy and not seeing enough Terezi being gay, so I want to see Terezi stealing John's girl. And his sister. And his mom. And then sending John pictures of them banging. Ideally all four of them at some point. Roxy is down because she thinks Terezi is pretty cute and also finds the idea hilarious, Jade is feeling some black feelings of her own for Terezi and just wants a shot at her, and Terezi actually finds herself a bit smitten with Jane after she learns of her impressive deductive abilities and table-flipping strength. Oh god, something just occured to me. Terezi ends up filling all of her quadrants, becoming rails-with-pails with Roxy, black with Jade, flushed with Jane, and she and John end up needing an auspistice... and get one with Rose. FUCK. Please write this. (For trans characters, I demand Jade at least be trans, and I like Jane and Roxy being trans too, but they aren't strictly necessary.)

Roxy and an apparently-visiting Jane and Jade look up when you slam the door behind you, a snarl on your lips. 

"What's the matter?" Roxy asks, one hundred percent concerned and ready to help in under a second. 

" _John_ ," you say, the growl in your throat mangling the name to near incomprehension. 

"Say no more," Jane says, setting down her slice of cake. "I don't know what's gotten into him, but he's been driving me shithive maggots with his pranks lately as well." 

"It's not even April first," Jade says, and you unfortunately know what that nonsense sentence actually means thanks to the most infuriating kismesis of the century. _April fucking first_. 

"I'm sure you'll think of some kind of payback," Roxy soothes, standing up and approaching you. You distantly wonder in the back of your head if she'll finally pap you, but you're too furious to dwell on it. "Me and Janey and Jade can even help you!"

"Yeah, me and Davepeta-- Davesprite used to get into massive prank wars with John... constantly, actually. There wasn't a whole lot to do on that boat besides fuck with each other, before they... disappeared." Her fading enthusiastic smile turns into a familiar mocking smirk as quick and easy as a flipping dime turns. "Besides, you obviously need the help of someone better." 

So much for your growl waning any time soon. 

Roxy finally closes the distance and disappointingly yet also pump biscuit-warmingly takes your hand, squeezing it reassuringly. 

"Actually," Jane says. "There's an idea. I bet the four of us working together could serve him some pretty epic comeuppance." 

That's the kind of bloodthirsty opportunism you admire her for! 

Roxy claps her hands together in delight (definitely disappointingly letting go of yours). "Yes! This'll be so fun, you guys. Revenge gal pal slumber party!" 

"Fruity rumpus party town," you correct her, trying to tamp down on your growl. 

"Or we could call it that!" 

"That's stupid!" Jade protests. 

"I'll go and pack my bags and be right back," Jane says gleefully. 

Roxy calls John and tells him it'd be best if he stayed at Jake's for the night. 

* * *

Roxy's set up four of the most uncomfortably soft looking piles you've ever seen before you've even gotten into your dragon hoodie cape thing. She's wearing that skimpy, pink nightgown thing, and you feel a smile lighting up up on your face for the first time since John made your blood boil today. 

"Hey," you say. "I've got an idea for how to prank John." 

"Oh?" she asks as she's rooting through her collection for the perfect combination of 'chick flicks', whatever those are, as if you'll be doing anything tonight except diabolically plotting. Or in this case... 

"Let's pail. Without him. And we can film it or take pictures to let him know just what he's missing out on because he's such a huge dingus." 

Roxy giggles, flushing. "Sorry Rezi, but the two of us have pailed in front of him before. I think he'd just enjoy it. Besides, that's not exactly a plan Janey and Jade can join in on, and we already invited them!" 

You mull over her answer for all of one second before what should have been oh so obvious all along occurs to you. Your smile finally makes its way all the way back to your usual wide, shark fanged grin. 

"Why can't they?" 

Roxy stares at you like you're a genius. A sexy, sexy genius. 

* * *

Jane is the first one back, despite being the one who's supplying the snacks (she volunteered). Jade may live further away, but she can teleport so you still make a note to make fun of her. 

"Should we tell her, or should we wait until Jade comes back to tell them both at the same time?" Roxy asks. 

"Well, as I just heard everything you just said, I suggest the former option," Jane says, putting down her ridiculously heavy looking bags. You admire that easy blueblood strength as well. She's a very admirable person. She's wearing a cute nightgown that is nonetheless significantly more modest than Roxy's. It's white with blue accents, old fashioned and lacy. 

Roxy winces and you wish that you rolling your red burnt eyes actually had a visual effect. 

"Jane. Miss Crocker. _Detective_ Crocker," you start. 

"All right, what are you buttering me up for?" Jane asks, eyebrow raised and arms crossed. 

"Well..." Roxy says, drawing out the word. "Me and Rezi just thought of a _pretty damn good_ revenge plan." 

You refrain from mentioning that it was actually you that came up with it, but only because you're an excellent prospective maybe-in-the-future moirail. 

"So... the party's cancelled?" Jane asks, deflating with poorly concealed disappointment. 

"No! No, no, no, you and Jade are an _integral_ part of the plan." 

" _Integral_ ," you repeat slyly. 

Now Jane looks suspicious. You admire that suspicion-- okay, maybe you should stop noting her finer qualities, or else you'll be doing it all night, not that that's not a perfectly enjoyable way to spend the night. But you've got other plans. 

"We just thought... have you noticed, how John can get kind of... jealous?" Roxy asks. 

"... Not really," Jane says. 

"Well, that's because it's more of a bedroom thing." You waggle your eyebrows at her, a trick you'd learned from the other Lalonde. 

She stares at you a second, before flushing an abrupt, bright red. You can smell the delicious red underneath all of the tasty fudge brown. You want to lick her face, and normally you would, except this stage of the pitch is a bit delicate. There'll be plenty of time for licking later. 

"And we thought... maybe you could help us make John... bedroom-jealous?" Roxy asks, unusually awkward and shy, yet hopeful. 

She stares at you in incomprehension again, except this time when she figures it out she actually falls to her knees and hides her face in her hands. Very dramatic. 

"It would be _very_ epic payback," you say. "Pailing with his kismesis, matesprit, and sister--" Jane groans at the word sister, "and then sending him the pictures. He's gotten over getting jealous seeing me and Roxy kiss and now it's just hot, so it's obviously time to add some new people to the equation." 

"Oh, so we decided on pictures instead of video?" Roxy asks, temporarily distracted. 

"Davepeta's got the best cameras, but not the kind for making moving pictures. I texted Jade to get one while you were in the absolution block." 

"I can't-- I can't have sex with my _daughter,_ " Jane despairs. 

"You don't have to!" Roxy says. 

"Yeah," you say. "The idea is that the three of you will be mostly focusing on me." 

"What I meant is that you can just say no, but yeah, that too." 

"Think about it. It's the ultimate prank. What could he possibly do that would compare? Pail us? He's already doing that. Pail Jade? You wouldn't mind, and you humans have that weird incest thing going on, so I don't think he'd even be able to bring himself to do it." 

Jane seemed to think for a moment. "... Nothing. There's nothing that would even be on the same scale. But... isn't this kind of cheating? Relationship-wise? I mean--" 

"Janey, I hate to break it to your oblivious ass," Roxy interrupts her. "But John and Callie have been kind of _majorly_  flush flirting with each other for the last, like, _perigees_. In front of me. And I'm cool with it. So we're all obviously all 'whatever' about monogamy over here." 

Jane seems floored by this revelation (she seems to have some odd 'hetero normative' blind spots, whatever _that_ means), but then she quickly turns pleasingly contemplative. She's obviously considering this, which means this foursome is as good as in the bag. 

Which is why of course this is the moment that Jade chooses to zap herself into your hive. 

"You," you say, "have got the timing of... the opposite of the time aspect. Which is space, so this makes sense, actually. You have fundamentally bad timing." 

Jade glares at you then with a theatrical huff makes a show of 'being the better person' and ignoring you. More like being the weaker person! _Burn_. Massive imaginary mental burn. 

"What's going on?" she asks. 

"Let's have a foursome," you say, just as much to get her to look at you as to get this over with. 

"Er," Jane says. 

"Rezi!" 

"WHAT!?" Jade shrieks. 

"Well why did you think I told you to bring a camera, you doofus? Come on, let's strip and take some pictures!" 

"Now you're just being ridiculous," Roxy scolds. 

Jade looks temporarily relieved, obviously thinking that this was just a joke. Wonderful Jane shatters that relief.

"It _would_ be a fantastic prank," she says, looking at Jade. 

"You-- you're serious!?" 

"As long as you don't touch boobs it's not incest," Roxy says. _Humans_. 

"I don't have boobs-"

"Tell me you haven't thought about pailing this," you say, gesturing to yourself. "Or _this_." You gesture to Roxy. She awws at you appreciatively. You'd gesture to Jane next (you will only admit to yourself in the privacy of your mind that actually she is as much of an utter bombshell as advertised), but there's that incest thingy again. Jane herself seems to be busy being persuaded by the sales pitch that's aimed at Jade. You don't think she even noticed when she nodded along and flushed when you gestured to yourself and Roxy. She's adorable. "You're so painfully obviously pitch for me it's downright embarrassing."

Jade is choking. "I-- I can't-- I'm going to-- I need to call Davepeta!" 

"Oh, what," you say, voice as mocking as you can get it, which is pretty fucking mocking if you do say so yourself. "You have to call your matesprit to pail with your kismesis?" 

Her hands spasm around her phone as you say 'kismesis', which you admit is pretty forward of you. But that's how you roll, bitch. She seems to be caught between swooning at you declaring yourself her kismesis, frothing at the mouth at your insult, and an actual stroke at the massive sexual oppurtunity before her. 

"Well, I'm not one to judge. You go ahead with your weirdly up-in-each-other's-business relationship. It's not as if Davepeta's half troll and is obviously gonna' understand or any--"

She _finally_ kisses you. Your glasses clack against each others, and you count yourself lucky for being experienced with ridiculous and stupid buck teeth trying to bite your face off. 

"Oh, we're starting now?" Jane asks. 

"I'll get the camera!" Roxy says. 

You ignore them as Jade nestles a hand into your hair, tugging just a bit too hard, and your hands get busy with her stupid button up pajamas. Why couldn't she have worn a convenient nightgown like Jane or Roxy? This is why you're black for her instead of red. You ignore the fact that you're not wearing a nightgown either. 

You hear a camera shutter. 

"Get in there, girlfriend," you hear Roxy whisper. "Jade's clearly not in the right frame of mind to unclothe Rezi, which is fucking travesty if I do say so myself." 

You hear shy, hesitant footsteps behind you, and _now_ you're paying attention. Which means that you're paying less attention to Jade and what your fingers are doing. As Jane's arms encircle you, hands heading for the waist of your boxers, you rip the rest of the buttons on Jade's shirt off. She squawks, indignant. 

"You--" She's so furious she can't even get the rest of the words out, so she just attacks your throat, licking and sucking and nipping and _biting_. You lean your head back, throat bared, and groan. Jane kisses the other side of your neck chastely, sweetly. Her thumbs are hooked into the waist of your dragon plushie boxers, hands flat on your hips, sliding slowly downwards, taking the underwear down with them. 

The camera keeps flashing. 

As your boxers hit the floor so does Jade's knees. She takes off her ridiculous glasses. Her lips meet your... lips. You moan, and Jane's hands make their way up your torso, underneath your shirt, dragging it up along with them. She cups your breasts as Jade gives you a broad, deep, obscene lick. 

"No bra?" she asks. "Terezi, I'm shocked. Have some decorum." 

"There's no rules at a sleep over, Janey." 

"Nnno rules?" you gasp. "I beg the differ. There's always rules. Even at a --fuck!-- slee-- sleep over."

"I thought we were calling it the fruity rumpus party town," Jane says. She pinches one of your pleasure nubs just a bit, and you gasp again, arching, pressing your nook into Jade's stupid grinning face. She's grinning, _you can feel it_. "Clearly someone needs to be punished for not being consistent here." 

She pulls your shirt off your head, and you lift your arms to assist her before returning them to Jade's cranium, grabbing the black hair between her white dog ears just a bit too hard. She takes two handfuls of your ass, bruisingly tight in retribution. 

Click. Flash. 

She unties your cape away from you, throwing it away over her shoulder. Your naked back is now pressed up against her... still clothed front. Hey, no fair! 

Just as you're about to say something though, her arms encircle you and _lifts you up_ as easy as breathing. Yes, yes, you _love_ this about her, you love her casual strength, her commanding presence, her--

"Hey!" Jade snaps as you're lifted away from her, lips smeared teal. You feel so hot, bordered on either side by mutant warm humans. 

"Cooperate some, won't you, Terezi?" Jane asks, and before you know it your legs are wrapped around Jade's shoulders and you're leaning against Jane and Jade's still got two handfuls of your plush rump. You feel like an earthquake couldn't budge you. 

Jade straightens to dive face first back into your nook, but then she notices that your bulge has been convinced that it's time to come out and play. You note proudly that you at least out lasted Jade, whose bulge is already standing at full human attention. She smiles, devious, and then grabs your bulge (you yowl with delight), leading it towards her mouth. 

"Don't," you pant. "Your gag reflex--"

"Hey, I've slept with a troll before, you know. Well, a half troll. I know how bulges work." 

 _Then you know that it's going to thrash around in there until you puke which I do not find particularly attractive_ , you don't have the breath to say. 

She encircles your bulge with a ring made of her thumb and one of her fingers, slowly widening as she lets more and more of the bulge into her mouth, making sure it doesn't reach the back of her throat. 

You barely hear the click of the camera, Roxy's heavy breathing. You feel like you're burning up. 

Her tongue, which is her only redeeming quality, you swear, presses against your bulge much like how another bulge would. Your curious member pokes at the sides of her mouth, crawls across the ridges of the roof of her mouth. 

She moves her other hand from your behind, trusting Jane to take your weight. She slips a finger into your nook. 

It's too much. You thrust your hips forward uncontrollably, and she loses her grip on your bulge. It shoots itself into the hot hole it instinctively seeks. She throws herself away from you, coughing, and now you're dangling from Jane's grip alone, toes brushing the floor. You should apologize-- but you won't. She's your kismesis. One of your kismesises. Whatever. The point is, apologizing is losing and you haven't lost a day in your life, and anyone who says otherwise is a filthy, filthy liar. 

Jane clucks her tongue disapprovingly at you, and now you _really_ feel bad. She lets you gently down, and you immediately fall to your knees, lightheaded. 

"Maybe you should take a break, Jade," Jane says, all lusus-like. 

"Yeah, you can take pictures!" Roxy says, clearly eager to get in on the action. 

She gets up, glaring at you, and Roxy practically skips forward, blessedly naked, and-- 

"Boy howdy," Jane says in a hushed whisper. 

"I got it while you guys were occupied. What do you think?"

Roxy's got a strap-on on. 

"You chose my favorite one!" you exclaim. 

"Anything for you, babe," Roxy winks at you. 

It's not weird that you're doing this, right? The two of you clearly have some pale tension between you, but you have threesomes all the time! Because you share a concupiscent quadrant. Not at all because you're also simultaneously weirdly attracted to her like some kind of pervert. Admittedly, this is the first time you guys are doing this while John isn't around, but it's not like you're alone--

Jane leans over you, practically mounting you, arms sliding up to hook beneath your armpits to hold you in a secure grip, and she leans back again, you coming with her easily, head just underneath her chin, small sharp horns bordering her face. Roxy approaches you, quite unnecessary but sweetly thoughtful lube dripping from her strap-on. 

A camera flash from Jade. 

Roxy gets on her hands and knees, crawling towards you, over you, until the fat head of the strap-on nudges up against your nook. You spread your legs eagerly. Your nook aches to be filled already. 

She presses into you, slowly but steadily, and you try not to move too much. She strokes your face when she's all the way inside of you, pushing you to your limit, and you lose your breath entirely. She leans in towards your ear and whispers so just you two can hear, "Pale as sugar for you, hon." 

Of course she would do it like this. Inside of you, with two of your concupiscent partners watching, a third to see the pictures in only a few hours. 

(Speaking of pictures, Jade takes another one.) 

She starts _moving_ , and it's just as breathtaking every time. You claw at the floorboards, scratching in deep gouges. You scream swears and oh my gods and roxy pleases as easy as the camera shutters, again and again. 

You come. 

She doesn't stop. 

She only stops after a long while when you finally quiet, words lost. 

"Now you've got it!" she praises you. 

She exits you, and you want to punch her and then kiss her and then pap her. Maybe all at once. 

"It's about time I did something besides hold you down, don't you think?" Jane asks. 

"You don't have to _stop_ holding her down," Jade says. Thank you, Jade. (Wow, Roxy really did fuck your brains out. You hope you didn't say that out loud.) 

Roxy walks off to lounge on one of the stupidly soft piles, and you just want to crawl into her lap and join her, maybe with Jane to hold you down and kiss you and Jade to pull at your hair. 

Instead, Jane wriggles out from under you, and then gets her knees to either side of your head. She shucks off her nightgown, _finally_ , but you barely get any time to appreciate the scent of all of that bare skin before you're distracted by another significantly enticing smell. You can smell her so vividly. You're about to _taste_ that. She lowers herself down slowly, making sure her weight doesn't press down on you uncomfortably (you bet Jade wouldn't have cared), and she makes sure that your nose is free to breathe (okay, maybe Jade would've cared a little bit about that). You lick reflexively, immediately. 

You think your eyes may have just rolled back into your head. Thankfully, no one can really notice. 

Jane moans at your relentless, eager attack, but she doesn't lift or sink an inch, staying perfectly still where she is. _God_ , she's so strong. So disciplined. 

The camera keeps clicking, and you think you can smell Roxy masturbating to the sight of you. Actually you're pretty sure Jade's taking the pictures one handed by now, hand pumping her human bulge. Ah well, it's a good camera, you're sure it's all coming out all right. 

Jane comes, and you swallow down the little release you get. She comes again. Again. 

Finally (sadly inevitably) she rolls away, overly hot and satisfied. 

You don't even try to stand up. 

"... Let's do this every time John pisses one of us off." You have no idea who said that, but you agree. Even if that means you'll be doing this basically every day for the rest of your lives. 

* * *

You still feel sore and fucked out the next day, but you've got a job to do. Which is writing down all of the new laws for the new world! You keep coming up with more and more rules and exceptions and addendum's, increasingly specific with each day. But a universe's existence is a long thing, and a lot can happen in that span of time. 

Poor timing must run in the family (excluding Jane), because John slams into your office just as you're putting pen to paper. He smells like flushed, angry red underneath his brown skin, and like some white human material he didn't quite manage to rub away from his boxers. He enjoyed it, but it still infuriated him. That's the optimal reaction, honestly. 

"You, you psychotic, bitchy, fucking maniac!" he shouts. 

"That's quite harsh of you, John." Rose had apparently been intrigued by his angry stomping and followed him. 

"Oh please, you clearly liked it." You smile a knowing, smug grin at him, and he stutters some more furious insults as your meaning sinks in. You're a Seer, you know everything! He should've caught onto that by now.

He doesn't though. With each smug deflection he grows more and more... angry. He's not taking this the way you'd been hoping for at all, which was brief furious anger followed by not-so-brief, furious arousal. 

"You're being irrational about this," you say, growing tired with the argument. This isn't one of the fun ones. "Logically, what I did was totally fair." 

"I'm sure it was, whatever it was you did," Rose says before John can retort. "But no one's perfectly logical. You should've known he would have reacted like this to whatever... surely huge thing it was you did. You claiming that he's being irrational is itself irrational. I think you were guided by emotions to carry out your deed just as much as John is right now."

You feel... kind of bad now. John nods self righteously, the stupid asshole. 

"I was chastising you as well, John," Rose points out. 

"What!?" 

"It seems like what she did was prompted by a pretty overboard prank by yourself. And so she was guided by emotions to do something that clearly went too far in turn."

"What I did was _not_ as bad as what she did!" 

"That's what escalation is, John!" you shout. "And I dare you to fucking top--"

"Let me just stop you there. Yes, John, Terezi's natural response was to escalate. I'm sure you would have done the same in her situation." 

"Oh, I would _not_." 

"Not exactly what she did. Escalated, I mean. But let's not continue that escalation train, okay? As... as auspistice of this relationship, I command it." 

You stare at her as much as you're able, mouth open. 

"... Fine," John grumps, like the little weenie he is. 

"Fine," you say. "But I'm not going to stop having orgies with your family, John."

Rose splutters, and John starts shouting at you again. She regains her composure soon enough again and begins mediating between you two like she's literally been studying and been coached by the master of the art. 

You think this relationship is going to be okay. All of your relationships. 

You smile when you call him an idiot. 


End file.
